- What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet
seat? What are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may
not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."
- What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate
on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal
- Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the
one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter
are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just
say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will
be along shortly."
- Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No
animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for?
Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
- Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important
occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants?
"Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
- Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded
every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we
are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
- If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't
you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
- Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished.
Why isn't it a "built"?
- Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies,
and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you
get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
- Why is it illegal to park in handicapped parking space but okay to
go the bathroom in a handicapped stall ?
- How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the
basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?
- All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No
wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots
expect the horses to do, anyway?
- Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when
the person in front of you pulls uppa couple of inches, you are compelled
to move up too? Do we reaIly think we are making progress toward our destination?
"Whew, thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer
I can stop for coffee and a Danish
- Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows?
How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't
wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."
- Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent,
but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to
get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
- Did you see these new mini-van ads? All they talk about are cup holders,
kiddies seats and door. What kind of advertising is that? When you see
an ad for a suet, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully
hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.
- Who is his guy Louis Freeh who is head of the FBI? People keep calling
him Louie, like he was the king of France or something. And what's this
with his last name? What does this mean, that he gives away the letter
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